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Damned Inheritance

by Hugo Grayling

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1.
New Friend 03:12
I've got a new friend, Isn't quite as funny as my old friends, Has a lot of money that he won't spend. But he says there's a plan That governs everything that we do. Tells me to wait in the car; Handles some things in a bar; Says his mysterious ways Are all in the service of faith and I know That's right; He prays in the dead of the night. But I don't want to feel that I've gone wrong (so wrong)... I've got a new friend, Takes me to a meeting on a weekend, Taught me how to think about the deep end, And how it extends Under everything we take to be true. Takes me to dinner with three People who happen to be Leaders, though doll-like and strange, And I know now that everything's changed but I Can't walk out For knowing what it's all about... But I don't want to feel that I've gone wrong (so wrong)... And I've been wrong so often, I should know-- It feels so insulting to be swayed by this show I guess I really shouldn't bother with new friends anymore; Maybe I'm better alone. Maybe I'm better alone.
2.
Deserters 03:11
An empty system; An empty desert; An empty ocean; An empty... They call you dirty deserters! When we walk, the mysterious place disappears, as we know it. When we talk, the mysterious thing disappears, as we know it. But how long will I follow? I don't want to be led. I might rather go by My own guidance instead There's a star: It makes something inside me feel sour. There's a mother, who cries out for her cancer each hour. There are millions of creatures, Some flash through the seas, Some digest their own young, Some resent their own dreams-- There's a map And it's making me dream of a tower. There's a ritual bath and a sacrifice planned in an hour. And if you go,you go,if you wanna go If you go, you go, if you wanna go, If you go, go, go, they call you dirty deserters.
3.
I can't recall When the clouds slid apart for you What success made you hate your heart-- The bloody emperor allergic to you And your punishment is having it all, But I can't recall. I can't recall When your dance became a passion play When the prisoners within your walls Began to tremble when you came their way You took their torture as a clarion call, But I can't recall. The same sea is crying out the window One day, you'll need to feel the water on you You'll walk right down into the water The violence in your room predicts the water coming The violence in your video I can't recall When the buying and the selling began When the cost of a ticking bomb Became a recipe for mellified man And now there's nothing to create or dissolve, But I can't recall You learned the lives of the saints when you were younger That sea keeps calling through the window to you Go drown that candle in the water Go drown that candle in the water, now Drown that terrible candle, now I can't recall When the beast begat a newborn king When you followed a hole in the wall Until you thought you heard the angels sing And now there's no-one left to lecture us all, But I can't recall
4.
5.
Eden 02:29
You thought you'd do a good thing, You thought you'd make him happy. Because of what you were now, You wanted him to know you. Oh, wisdom Oh, evil Oh, justice Oh, suffering You thought you'd do a good thing. The snake was in the garden. The moment that it changed you, You knew that you were lonely. You knew that you were hungry, You knew that you were naked, You knew that you would lose him You knew you were a stranger. Oh, power Oh, torture Oh, hunger Oh, money Oh, kindness Oh, mercy Oh, sorrow Oh, salvation Oh, glory Oh, madness: That we Must die.
6.
You can't go back when you find out it's true, You can't go back, when it happens to you-- You can't go back, you can't go back. You can't go back in the shadows of kings, You can't go back when they ask you for things; You can't go back. You can't go back. When the easiest thing to do is When you stare at the moon and pretend that it's questioning you, you can't go back; you can't go back. When the swell of your self-deceit becomes the Hand of a god who you caught slipping answers to me You can't go back; you can't go back. You can't go back to the church on the hill, You can't go back, 'til you're silent and still ( " " ) You can't go back to the dome of the rock; You can't go back, 'til you've broken the lock ( " " ) When your promises eat you up and you can't relax For the fear that your fear's making off with your stuff... ( " " ) When the heaviness gets too great, and you're all alone, Wide awake, cracking jokes as you're crushed by the weight ( " " ). You can't go back when the answer is no. You can't go back, 'cause there's nowhere to go; ( " " ). You can't go back to a simple Amen, You can't go back and begin it again-- ( " " ).
7.
Mother Green 03:23
Dear Mother Green, You fought the good fight, Though all that you dreamed Escaped in the night. You swore you'd obey, You prayed to receive his call. His voice never came, And yet you hold true; You wondered if arrogance kept him from you; You've ceased your petitions, You worried your faith isn't great Like the faith Of the ones Who he calls every day. Or are they just lying because they're ashamed? Is it more of a sin to mistrust them this way? You don't change a thing, You keep your routine, The wounds of your self-flagellation unseen And yet constellations of holy machines Fill your dreams with the questions whose answers you can't stand to Seek--do you believe there will be a release?
8.
Well I lost my only brother; He fell into a hole. I lost my only brother; He fell into a hole. I called the big king spirit, To see if we could save his soul. If you sleep in the graveyard, they say you'll see a ghost. If you sleep in the graveyard, they say you'll see a ghost. But if you sleep in the garden, you'll see the heavenly host. Well I walked downstairs, I just woke up from a dream When something pierced the night like a shivering scream. I turned on the light, but the door opened wide And the king of the spirits stepped right inside, Said, "I can trick a bloody camera or a radio, and I Just might follow you wherever you go, but if you Keep your hands busy and your eyes straight ahead, Then I might not take you to the realm of the dead." So I won't look at you, if you're talking to me. Don't ask me any questions, about what I might see. Because the big king spirit, he might not let me be. Well I lost my only brother, he fell into a hole. I lost my only brother; he fell into a hole. I called the big king spirit, to see if we could save his soul. I call the big king spirit! I call the big king spirit! I call the big king spirit! I call the big king spirit!
9.
Starlite 05:09
The heavens empty for my son... The storm is a function of sky; Your truth is a function of lie-- God's a number line, God's a function of Why. We searched every night for the star Until we fell asleep in the car; We'll get old until Time reveals who we are... Years exchanging dusk for dawn Seem too proud to carry on Every time the seasons change, Pack your things and act your age-- Fix your father's recipe, Kill your mother's enemy, Find the veil of the one true God, Until you're old and frail and odd in Babylon. A ghost is a property of A child's understanding of Love Heaven aches for thee, Heaven take me above! One remains when one's one dies. Splashes water in one's eyes. One grows pale and faint and wan, Spends one's days with one's blinds drawn; One's loved ones will tell one lies Of one's loved ones in paradise 'Til one's bored of earthly things, Preoccupied with angel's wings in Babylon.
10.
Windy Day 03:47
Sick with a fever, trapped inside On such a windy day-- she was reading a book about flies But the nursemaid covered her eyes, and took her book away And told her she must pray, so she prayed That the people passing by would all begin to blow away Leaving their groceries in the street As the shoes dropped off their feet. And what she pictured from her bed On such a windy day-- the hats and the shoes and the groceries in the street--reminded her of the day In a book she'd never read (but had donned a white gown and sworn to believe)-- Reminded her of the day When her nursemaid said that Christ would come To take his believers into the sky, Leaving their earthly effects behind. Dancing across her window frame, There came a little boy, with his slicker on and his arms spread wide. And his hat was very red, and he cried at the top of his voice-- The cry of the joy of the surely-alive And maybe this boy was Christ, She was sure he knew what life was for, And his hat was very red On such a windy day.
11.
Deep in a forest of jade there’s a miserable pool; The water tastes just like the names that they called you in school. You see your reflection and panic, run back to the shore-- You’ve never accepted an honest assessment before. The blue of the trees in the morning filled you with fright. The din of the stars kept you up ‘til you noticed their light The crickets were not like the ones that you hear in the night God’s own island God’s own island God’s own island Back in the city we fought over each scrap of light. We slept with each others' emergencies, petty and trite But deep in the valves of our hearts we developed a beast. And all it could eat was our hate, so its power increased. I worked for ten years in a plant, manufactured advice That you’d take in the form of pill and on dismal days, twice. But i’m glad that we’re here where addictions are helpful and nice On God’s own island. I’m not really sure what a poet would make of this place; And back where I come from most poets expire in the chase. I don’t really know if the people I work with would care To know if they’re ugly or wrong or in need of repair-- But every third Sunday, a sound resonates from the woods; A sound never heard in the city of markets and goods. It doesn’t seem pressured in making itself understood. On God’s own island God’s own island
12.
Some Love 03:53
There's a little red man who lives down your street and he only wants to draw cartoons; And he's published some things and he's won some awards and you think he's got it in for you. His art pulls faces, his art cracks jokes, a ukulele in an airport lounge And you feel so jealous, you feel so ashamed, that you think you want to take him down But every time you see him you get so nervous, you quiver like a violin string, And his smile's so easy, and his eyes so aware that you can never tell him anything. You're afraid he knows some love that you'll never be naive or secure enough to believe in; afraid he knows some love that you'll never be brave or foolish enough to believe in. There's a little red woman who lives down the street who thinks she knows a thing or two And it's so unnerving to face such confidence, it tangles something up in you. She gives a series of lectures on everything you love and everything you believed you knew; She's got a profile pending in both local papers, got a publishing contract, too. And your need to impress her becomes so oppressive that you've alienated all your friends, And they're so embarrassed, and you're so ashamed, that you never want to see her again. And you envision yourself on a far-flung island where your vanity is safe from attack; But you can never imagine your dreams will be free of the knowledge of the knowledge you lack. 'Cause you're afraid she knows some love that you'll never be naive or secure enough to believe in; Afraid she knows some love that you'll never be brave or foolish enough to believe in.
13.
Deeply alarmed by your most recent note, I contacted my advisers urgently. Arachne laughed, remembering Salome; I took a bath, wondering what to say--I never foresaw this day. "How Great Thou Art..." We used to be lovely. And now you're beyond my reach. I meant to Sound unmoved Convey this message most dispassionately; Say sorry, Move mountains, Promise mansions of eternal relief... I'll never lash myself to love again (never embarrass myself) I've ordered the temple sundered, immediately (With dependence, demonstration of need). Great Neptune coughed (Or admission of fear, the doubt that continues to grow), Relinquished his sea to you ( Whether or not I exist); Who'll break my heart (Whether or not I exist) Once I'm forgotten too. Once I am lost to you. Who'll break my heart? We used to be lovely. And now you're beyond me.
14.
15.
When somebody loves a man, His heart becomes golden and grand; His skin becomes patterned with maps of faraway lands. And the patterns of faraway music spring up where he stands-- When somebody loves a man. When somebody loves a man, His promises turn into birds. And though they might travel the world, and never return, Wherever they are, they are true-- They are never just words. When somebody loves a man, Nobody can steal what he finds. All that he has is in someone else's mind. Yet the rooms of his imagination are fragrant and fine, When somebody loves a man. When somebody loves a man His miseries melt into pools That blossom with colorful life, and sparkle with jewels-- And the secrets he kept in his shame Become powerful tools. When somebody loves a man, Death becomes mortal to him And once he begins to accept everything he's been, His death will be less of a finish, and more of a win-- When somebody When somebody When somebody Loves a man.

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released March 10, 2016

Written, performed, and produced by Hugo Grayling

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Ortega Fuerte Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Ortega Fuerte are a group of songwriters and multi-instrumentalists founded in 2003 by core member Hugo Grayling and often including the contributions of Air Anchor's Chris Rohlf.

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